​Day-23rd: I’ll be Fine!

I woke up late today. Leisures of sunday as you know! It is a bright sunny winter morning. I walked up to my balcony and took out one Marlboro.
Eyes half open and with little shivering I absorbed the heat from every puff I was smoking and began to plan out how I am going to spend the rest of my day. I received a call from this girl I had met a month back asking me out for a movie. I was not in the mood. There was a subtle sadness in the wind today. Or maybe it was just my half opened eyes unable to see clearly. Nevertheless I rejected the offer making some lame excuse. I wanted to spend the day with myself even if it meant stressing out the whole day surrounded by a pool of crappy thoughts on how boring the life has become now!

It’s been 2 months I shifted in Pune and despite all the happening aura I had heard about I was just not able to get in sync with it.
I finished my 3rd cigarette and went to take a hot shower. I am used to boiling water hitting against my skin burning all the stress and reminding me of the stone I have become. I decided to wear loose cargos and a black sweatshirt. Totally my stuff you know!

Grabbed my wallet and keys, locked my flat and switched on the thought transmission from my brain. This little devil loves to be the pain in my arse by constantly feeding me with totally u related thought streams and compelling me to pick any one and then be lost in it. Time flies, thoughts are the drivers for my time!
I went to nearest Starbucks and was wondering what I shall order. Coffee for sure but which one? Its been 2 years and yet am unable to figure out their menu and products. I wonder if they are the grand illusionists or I am blindingly dumb.
I started to regret the rejection I made to this girl for a movie. But, fuck it. Who cares. I took my order and went out to smoke a puff or two.
I was about to lit it that I forgot.

It was time for my medication. 

I hallucinate a lot.

She came smiling sweetly giving me those bitter pills and kissing me on cheek. 

You will be fine. I love you“, she said and I finally came out of my visions.


New Document.

Whenever I sit down on my laptop, usually there are many files open out in front of me. The unfinished business from previous night. The document files open, and the cursor still blinking in front of that last sentence.

I woke up on 1st July 2015, at an hour of the day I never thought I would be able to wake up at, 6 am. I rubbed my eyes, and blinked them for a couple of times, metaphorically, like the cursor at the end of the line. I wanted to hold on to that moment, for very soon, I would be starting on with a New Document in life.

Many times, there is a thick yet invisible line that parts you from your past and future. The present. The reason why this line is drawn thick, is because it is here, upon this line, that we take decisions, that shall leave marks, and blots that shall be visible in the future.

I was about to begin with my new document. But unlike every other day, when I chose to not go through the previously opened files, today I planned on visiting those words, one last time, before I started with the new beginning.

It is funny how when someone once meant the world to you, is now a stranger, in some other part of the world, and the face is no longer what you remember, only the moments shared is what lies behind. And then when you least expect it, when you are at an all time low, miracles happen and lift you up, and you find people who know your worth, and value your words. My studies of engineering were not just a 4 year course at a University, it was a journey, an experience, and more like a workshop on how to live life.

And now, just when I started getting comfortable with a lifestyle that gave me a new perspective and a feeling of joy in life, I need to move ahead with a new chapter. A career, job, and professionalism, they were waiting to pounce on to me like an excited pet.
Here I stood, on that line, on the fence that differentiated the green path that lied behind, and the unknown land, covered in mist, that I would need to walk on to ahead.

A start of the day, full of unsurety.