Chaos

I hear the electricity passing through the wires, beneath all the cemented wall,
The ticks of the wall clock amplified, synchronized with my pounding heart.
Its one. Or probably two. The concept of time doesn’t make sense anymore, at all,
I’ve left this body in the hands of present, while pendulum-ing between future, and to where it did start.

There are questions. Tougher than the last time. There is grief. More hurting than the last time,
There are floods of emotions, and loss of soul, and anger and fury and so much more. Much more than the last time.

As the fingers move on to next word, poor keys on the board bear the burden of my pain,
My legs move slowly, or my head, is it my head that’s spinning faster than it should, I can not make the difference anymore.
Its numbness, overall, in general, all over, and confusion and chaos, being tied next to the barn, thinking about a grand escape from my slain, but in vain,
I rest here now, with palms folded, to whoever above listens. Give me reason to believe in you, damn you, give me reason to have faith furthermore.

There must be a reason, as a part of Your grand plan, they say. Oh now, but, is there?
Show some honour, show some respect. Show that you care, show that you hear. Show that there is love, show that it wins. Show me why you messed up, how things from here would spin!

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No Title.

The reason why there is no title for this post is because that is exactly how life seems to be at this point of time.
Past 6 months? They have ridiculed me, tortured me, just few gestures of happiness. Its all been a crime.

May ’13. As soon as the month ended, life took a wrong turn. Things changed. A lot. I swear,  ’twas a bad turn.
First, a 3 and half year love ended in 3 hours. Then grandfather to whom I gave blood, ended up in an urn.

Things were a mess, plenty of stress, things became intense. When to make it worse, health went down.
Had an accident. Displaced 3 discs from spine. Pills became pals. Face now always has a frown.

But good was there, not far away. Recieved my scores from the university. Oh yes it was good.
However, the one person I wanted to share it with, wasn’t there. Everything went down under hood.

I need to thank one person here. My teacher. Whom I met after more than half a decade, she is the closest friend now.
Handling me. Taking drinks away from hands. Bringing me back to life. Its only fate, otherwise after 6 years, I met her how?

Things were finally getting better, it felt the pain was going to fade away really soon.
Until just 2 days back, my best friend had to leave me. Issues. Now everything looks like a prune.

There is anger inside. There is pain. There is fire. There is so much more angst. Nothing is at peace.
I guess this is life. It gives happiness. It gives laughter. But for that to come, there is this fees.

Luck seems to have gone away since May ‘ 2013. 6 months have been a hell.
Waiting eagerly for 2014. Waiting to hear the Christmas. The  jingle bell.